Seeking Solace
by Forbearnan
Summary: Merlin is not alone. He has never been, and he never will be. No slash.
1. Sundays

**Title**: Seeking Solace

**Disclaimer**: All of the characters in this fiction are not of my creation.

**Story Note**: This idea just popped into my head. Symbolism flows through it. I might add on more chapters – it will depend on whether you liked this one or not.

_Enjoy, and please review. :)_

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><p><strong>Sundays<strong>

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><p>Merlin likes nothing better than Sundays. No more mucking horses, no more running around, no more chores, no more of pratty Arthur. No more tripping over things – well, that isn't entirely true. He trips over things no matter what he is doing. "It just suddenly jumped up right in front of my feet. Honestly!"<p>

But that's not what Merlin likes most about his Sundays. Those "Necessary Evils," as he calls them, would always be there, just like the sun and the moon - a never-ending cycle full of loves and losses, happiness and solitude… and surprises.

On Sundays, Merlin wakes up early. Early enough that there is no sleep in his eyes. As he opens his door, he hears Gaius's soft snores and he magically pulls up Gaius's blanket and smiles to himself, feeling content.

And then he exits the building and he sees the bright stars twinkling above him. He hears crickets break the silence and fill the darkness with music. Tonight, a barn owl flies overhead, and its shadow sweeps across the ground. A little rustle tells him that a mouse is nearby.

He passes through the silent square and his soft footsteps echo into the darkness. He passes the empty market-place and knows that when he returns, it will be crowded with bustling people selling their wares. In the morning, Merlin knows that Gaius will be gathering more ingredients for his potions; Gwen will wake up to find flowers outside her door, given anonymously, and smile; Arthur will oversleep again (_that stubborn prat_); Morgana will go on a long horse-ride through the woods; Uther will grumble about governing Camelot.

Tonight, Merlin walks through the sleeping city and sees silhouettes of the large castle fade away as he walks through the ethereal gates, out of Camelot and into a field of wheat - waiting to be cut - and up onto the hill.

He stops at its summit and lies down upon the moist ground and the dew soaks into his shirt, but he does not care, and he lifts his bright eyes to sky.

Half is now a deep, brooding blackness speckled with stars. Its opposite is morphing into a softer, lighter blue - the color of his own eyes.

Slowly, the sky sweetens and it is a juicy, glowing peach.

It bleeds, and is a bright, angry red, and gradually calms into a soft, pink.

The speckled darkness gradually gives in and soon blends into the other half – becoming a whole world full of light. Soft light. A sweet, tangible, glowing incandescence, and Merlin can just feel his magic tingle at the tips of his fingers.

_No one is here. I am alone. I am safe. _

_I am._

Merlin sits up and hugs his knees and looks down upon Camelot, that honey city full of marvels, and he smiles.

_My Destiny._

Ominous, overpowering, but at the same time, wonderful. A long journey with a slow beginning that never ends; a long journey full of surprises, perils, love, hate. A journey that he must take alone, and, along the way, learn. It is changing him in ways he himself cannot explain.

But he knows it is for the better; it is always for the better.

Merlin blinks and wipes away the dew that has formed on his eyelids. He doesn't bother drying his wet hair.

A bird sounds overhead, welcoming the new day.

It's a hawk.

Above the golden horizon, Camelot stands.

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><p>Sometimes Merlin weeps. Sometimes Merlin laughs. Sometimes Merlin just looks down upon Camelot.<p>

Whatever he chooses to do, it is always alone.

No one will ever know and it will soon come to pass, like the sun and the moon and the stars.

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><p><em>Yes, this is inspired by me waking up around 4AM and watching the sun rise. It's wonderful. You should try it someday.<em>


	2. Rain

**Title**: Seeking Solace

**Disclaimer**: All of the characters in this fiction are not of my creation.

**Story Note**: This idea just popped into my head. Symbolism flows through it. I might add on more chapters. _Enjoy, and please review. :)_

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><p><strong>Rain<strong>

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><p>Merlin loves it when it rains. He says it that it is "God's way of crying."<p>

He's usually inside when the first rumbles are heard, and then, there's no stopping him.

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><p>Today, Merlin is inside his room, cleaning it up <em>without magic.<em> Yes, he decided, it would be easier to clean it _with magic_, and probably no one would barge in and see him doing it, besides Gaius. But Merlin doesn't like taking chances with things like that – unless he is using magic to save Arthur.

Merlin is making up his bed when the first murmurs are heard, and then a soft whisper incases the world.

_Drip, Drip, Drip._

Merlin immediately feels the urge to run outside and stand in the rain.

He messily spreads the covers and then, tripping over a few clothes still scattered on the floor, he makes his way to his door.

He's not surprised when he sees Gaius standing there with his hands on his hips. Of course Gaius is there. He is always there. And Gaius knows Merlin.

"Please," Merlin begs.

Gaius sighs. "Alright. You deserve a break. But make sure that your room is clean by tonight," he says, but Merlin is already out before he can finish his sentence.

Outside, Merlin stands with his eyes closed and lifts his head towards the sky.

Around him, he can hear women telling their children to get inside. He can hear the bustling of people taking cover inside their houses.

_Pitter, patter, doesn't matter._

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><p>Merlin stands there in the middle of the square and the rain quickly soaks his hair and his shirt. But he does not care.<p>

In the rain, Merlin feels whole. His magic unfolds and mixes with the rain's contagious peace. Sometimes when he is feeling lost, he makes it rain - _just a little longer_ – and the magic he tries so hard to keep inside himself can overflow into the elements. And it relaxes him, and it relieves him of his burden.

Sometimes Merlin likes to think of those tiny droplets as destinies; millions falling from the sky; each a mirror of a person's future; each a silver key to a closed door; each so significant in such an insignificant way.

Other times, he thinks of them as God's way of crying, and pouring the life that other's could not have, down upon their lonely souls.

_e pluribus unum._

Merlin is not alone. He has never been, and he never will be.

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><p><em>Drip, Drop, Drip.<em>

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><p><em>Please review. :)<em>


	3. Friends

**Title**: Seeking Solace

**Disclaimer**: All of the characters in this fiction are not of my creation.

**Story Note**: This idea just popped into my head. Symbolism flows through it. It is confirmed that I will add on more chapters.

_Enjoy, and please review. :)_

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><p><strong>Friends<strong>

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><p>Tonight, Arthur waits impatiently for Merlin to help him with his armour. He and his fellow knights have just slain the beast that was killing countless people in Camelot. Now Arthur needs Merlin to help him take off his armour, clean his room, and polish his boots.<p>

_Where is he?_

Arthur does not know, and it's getting late.

He finally gives up waiting for Merlin and he leaves his room and goes over to Gaius's place to see what's going on.

"I haven't seen him since he was with you," Gaius says.

Arthur nods and leaves.

_Where is Merlin?_

As Arthur rounds the corner, he hears someone sniveling, and he instinctively turns in that direction. It's dark, and he cannot see very well, so he takes a torch from the wall.

He doesn't have to go far before he sees someone sitting down on the cold floor. By the light, he can tell by the black hair and the blue shirt that it is Merlin.

"_Merlin," _Arthur whispers.

Merlin stops crying and looks up at Arthur with bloodshot eyes. A sudden, unexplainable trace of fear flies across his face and quickly disappears. He wipes away his tears and he stands up and tries to act like nothing ever happened, but Arthur knows Merlin, besides the fact that Merlin's a bad liar.

"What's wrong?" Arthur says and quickly adds, "And don't even try to tell me that nothing's wrong."

Merlin was fine that morning; in fact, he was acting like the luckiest person in the world. What had happened between then and now that would make him so upset?

But Arthur cannot know why Merlin is so upset. Destiny is waiting, and this is not part of it. He cannot know what tears at Merlin's heart; he cannot know what Merlin has done for him, how much Merlin has sacrificed for him; he cannot even come to understand that he has just killed Merlin's first, and only true love; no - not yet, _not yet._

Merlin knows this, and that is what is killing him from the inside, out. Merlin knows that Arthur is ignorant of more things than he can imagine, and, in his broken heart, Merlin forgives Arthur.

Rather than come up with a lousy lie, Merlin says nothing and waits for his breathing to level.

But Ignorant Arthur understands - he is more understanding than Merlin gives him credit for - and he stands there and waits.


End file.
